Critical Cow News (CCN)

About

The founder of Critical Cow News Mary Ann Hellingsen. Respected in her community.
The husband of Mary Ann Hellingsen the founder. Made the foundation of Critical Cow News possible by selling his sperm to the highest bidder. We are all grateful for his sacrifice. No these are not his balls.

Founded in a parallel universe where facts are optional and humor is mandatory, Critical Cow Satirical News emerged from the depths of the internet’s collective consciousness sometime between the invention of sliced bread and the discovery that pigeons aren’t real.

We’re proud to be your #1 source for news that probably didn’t happen, but honestly, who’s keeping track anymore? Our team of dedicated “journalists” works tirelessly from their mother’s basements to bring you the stories that mainstream media is too sane to cover.

Our Mission
To boldly report what no one has reported before – mainly because it never actually happened. We strive to maintain the highest standards of completely made-up journalism, adhering to our strict policy of fact-checking against our imagination.

Our Team:

Hernadez Pers the chief executive of making stuff up. White lies and black lies. He does it all.
Corina Zorina is the senior vice president of alternative facts. Grounds and grinds the men at the male dominant office.
Sir Captain John Irving VIP.
Madame Sybilla Nostara. A head of news that happens in the future. She knows you before you know here.
Jack Trump Remington. Reporting neutral news is his way of making America great again.
Hhhmmmmm

What Sets Us Apart
Unlike other news sites that waste time with “real” news, we cut straight to the chase with stories that are guaranteed to be at least 60% more entertaining than reality. Our articles are artisanally crafted using only the finest locally-sourced exaggerations and free-range fabrications.

Disclaimer
If you’re looking for actual news, you’ve taken a seriously wrong turn on the information superhighway. All content on this site is satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, places, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and honestly quite surprising given how ridiculous our stories are.

Awards & Recognition*

  • “Most Likely to Make Coffee Come Out Your Nose” – The Made-Up Awards Committee
  • “Excellence in Fiction Disguised as News” – The Association of Professional Procrastinators
  • “Best Use of Alternative Facts in Digital Media” – Council of Internet Jesters
  • “Website Most Likely to Be Cited by Your Uncle on Facebook” – Social Media Mishaps Monthly

*Awards may or may not exist in this dimension

Contact Us
Send your tips, story ideas, and conspiracy theories to our dedicated team of professional fiction writers at editor@criticalcow.news We promise to read them all while wearing our official tinfoil hats.