In a move that shocked Washington insiders but surprised absolutely no one else, President Donald Trump signed an executive order today establishing his eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., as his official successor should he become incapacitated or worse.
The directive, titled “Order of Really Tremendous Succession,” bypasses the traditional Constitutional line of succession that would normally place the Vice President next in line.
“People are saying it’s the most beautiful succession plan ever created, maybe in history,” Trump declared at the signing ceremony held in the newly renamed Trump Oval Office. “Why follow some dusty old document when I can keep it in the family? It’s like The Apprentice, but for running the country.”
When reporters pointed out that the Constitution specifically outlines succession procedures, Trump waved dismissively. “The Constitution is more what you’d call guidelines than actual rules. Besides, I’ve read it. Great document. Possibly the best. But nowhere does it say I can’t do this.”
Don Jr., sporting a fresh haircut that perfectly matched his father’s signature style, beamed proudly beside the President. “I’ve been preparing for this my whole life,” he stated, adjusting his extra-long red tie. “Dad’s been training me since I was old enough to fire someone.”
Constitutional scholars quickly pointed out the numerous legal issues with the order, but Trump dismissed these concerns. “We’ve got the best lawyers, the most tremendous lawyers. They all say it’s totally legal, completely allowed. And if the Supreme Court disagrees to bury the constitution, well, I appointed most of them, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”
The White House gift shop is already selling commemorative plates featuring Don Jr.’s face with the slogan “He’s Next!” While critics have called the move “monarchical” and “blatantly unconstitutional,” Trump supporters have embraced it enthusiastically.
“It’s just good business sense,” explained one supporter wearing a “Trump Dynasty 2024-2058” t-shirt. “Why reinvent the wheel? If you’ve got a Trump, use a Trump.”
At press time, Ivanka Trump was reportedly drafting her own executive order establishing herself as next in line after her brother.
